Love to love.

Hello!

Long time no blog, haha. I was listening to music and all of a sudden felt the want to write something.

Life right now is great. And I say that even though my life circumstance isn't the best, but God has been more than great to me. I feel encouraged at this moment in my life. A lot of exciting things are getting ready to take place and I have so much to look forward to. Looking back at my previous blog post, I would have never imagined or seen myself in the position I am in now. I was scared back then, and in a dark place in my life. But only to prepare me for what was to come. I'm not sure if I wrote in the beginning of the year or not. But I had this strong feeling that this year I would experience God's love like no other.

I never really knew what love was or is and why people constantly put love down. But this year I have really gotten to walk in love and surround myself with love. Giving love and sharing love with others and embracing the love that God gives to me. I used to think when I was younger that love came when you really liked someone and it seemed like I was always falling in love with some boy. What I wanted was the feeling of being secured and important, I wanted to feel beautiful and approved. I looked for love and attention in all the wrong places. Only to be swept away by God's love.

God's love is amazing. And His love is true and genuine, here to stay forever and ever, and no one can separate me from His love. I experience His love by the touch of a gentle breeze across my face. Or the rays of the sun shinning down on me. I am truly starting to tear up a little bit thinking of His love. I just know that its great to have God before me and surrounding me. Without Him I'd be nothing, but with Him I have everything.

I want to grow deeper and deeper in love with Him. I really do. And I pray that God will allow for me to pour the love that He has shown me over everyone I come across and with a beautiful man.

Love is gorgeous, it's awesome, it's breath taking, it's what God has put in me to give out. And I have so much of it that I want to give.

I hope you take the chance to love unconditionally and do it all the time, without hesitation. JUST DO IT! It'll make you feel great. Walk in love.

-Alana.

Back down...from WHAT?

Things have been a lot better lately! Lots of laughter and smiles, it nice to do that!

Now another challenge has come up...that I have to FACE. Being put through so much, changes you...and sometime it can be for the worst. Right now I really don't like the person I am becoming.
I feel like I have lost a lot, and with that I become very defensive (within my mind). I feel really jealous and angry and confused. Don't get me wrong...I am a very good person, I live to love and that's my favorite thing to do. But right now, its hard to do that...when I hate so many things about myself.
I look in the mirror and literally put myself down...constantly. Thoughts running through my mind: I don't deserve this...I'll never be that...and I cant do this. There are so many insecurities and self doubt that have come from out the blue.
The next step for me, is to take on this challenge of changing what it is I don't like about myself. With that, I truly do believe that the next chapter of my life, can and WILL BE opened.

But I do understand that, without loving myself, I cannot give love to anyone else.
A road I must travel, because I have to overcome this.
I know God created a beautiful person. But knowing and believing: are 2 different things.

Be blessed.

-Alana Alston.

Speechless.

Today has been amazing! I attended church, as I do almost every Sunday. But today...was different! I felt God more than ever on this day.

I have been going through so much, lately and doubting within my mind that God wasn't real. But today, there's no doubt at all that God is real! Being in His presence is an honor. He doesn't have to allow for me to feel Him or witness exactly what it is that He can do, but He did! It was the most amazing thing. It was like an out-of-the body type of experience and really all you can say is "Thank You God, Glory be to Your Name!" Truly Wonderful.

My knees trembled, tears were rolling down my face, and I felt surrounded completely by something Powerful and Wonderful!

I'm glad that God continues to love me even though I have flaws and I continue to screw up. It feels great to know that He is there, and that is Real and that everything He says He will do, He will! My heart and soul feels lifted and I constantly feel the desire to smile and shake off every awful thought and all that has been hurting me. God loves me, He loves You, and if you don't believe it...Just Try Him!

God, I Thank You!

Be Blessed.

Alana Alston.

A Battle I Cannot Fight.

About three days ago my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It had not really worried me until today. Its been months that he's been in pain and losing a lot of weight. But no one really knew what it was.

It really hit me this morning when my mom started crying. I cant stand to see people cry, I cant stand to see people hurt and there's nothing I can do about it. It sucks, you know...because sometimes you wish that you could heal their pain and take away their tears, but knowing YOU, yourself cant makes me feel bad.

I want for everything to be OK, for everything to be better than it was before...and OK!

I'm not really in the mood to blog but I wanted to write something, hoping that it could help get things off my chest so that I wont worry.

It scares me when I think about him no longer being with us...someone you love and see everyday, who has had a huge impact on your life.

God has taken care of us so far, and I do believe He will continue to.

I feel like maybe I haven't been worrying because with God...what is cancer. I don't want to worry because I know with worrying comes stress and pain, and tears and I don't want to cry. All I can do is tell my dad how much I love him and I cannot guarantee that every things going to be OK, but I can hug him and hold him close and constantly remind him that God is near and whatever he is going through God is going through it as well.

I need God more than anything right now, just to keep it together. I don't believe that He will ever let me down, so having and keeping faith in My Father is the best and all I can do.

Have a Blessed day and Remember to Smile, always.

-Alana Alston.

Hope, is Alive.

I feel like I am going to make it through. No matter what I will not give up and give in.

I feel like God is with me and that day-by-day He's helping me to progress in many ways. I may not be able to see through the mist of this storm but I am going to believe and hope that God will guide me through this because I cannot do this on my own.

Alana Alston.

No Pain, No Gain.

Lately, life hasn't been quite easy. I feel like every second of every day, my faith is being tested. My thoughts are so corrupt, and I swear its like my mind won't sit still for a minute without something coming across it. Sometimes I feel really weird and so uncomfortable to the point that I don't want to be bothered with anyone.



Honestly, I have to say that I feel as if my faith is being ripped out of my heart. Everything I love, believe in, trust in, and adore is slowly being pulled away from me. Sometimes it gets to where I want to say,"I no longer care to go through this" or,"I cannot do this anymore." I sit and question my belief in God, asking myself do I really believe, because the thoughts I think sometimes are not so pleasant. I'll sit and think the awfullest things, and then go pray or read the bible, and I automatically feel fake, as if I am trying too hard to be a Christian.



A lot of times I feel like I have to prove my love for God to myself, because of my thoughts. I have never been so confused and hurt, mislead, frustrated, and numerous amount of other feelings, before in my life. I must say that it is not easy trying to walk in the way of Jesus Christ. It is a journey to hell and back, a self discovery process, as well as growing and being strengthened for what all is to come.



I think that my biggest issue right now is that I feel that I am losing my faith in God; a scary situation and stressful. I sit and think about how I am 18 and I have experienced things that a lot of people in their 50s have yet to experience. It scares me to the point that all I can do is cry. I know that I am being deceived and that most of my thoughts are lies from the enemy. God knows how much I have hurt, and how much I wanted out. I looked up to God one time and said, "No matter what Father, I will always love you." Nothing in this world can separate us from the love of Jesus, not death nor life. But right now, I feel alone and empty to where I do not know what to think or where to turn.



I don't think I know how much I love God...not even that but How much He loves me. Deep down inside I get this feeling that I have a lot left to learn and grow and experience, but without God in my life, and this feeling that I feel...life to me is not life. God is my best friend and my Father, my light and warmth, my comfort, my smile and joy, my hope; how could I stop believing in My Everything.



Today I learned that whenever a trial in life comes upon you, know that you are not going to go around it, you are not going to ditch it, and you surely are not going to give up; but You Will go through it with a smile on your face even when you do not feel like smiling, you'll go through knowing that God is with you every step of the way and that everything you feel and go through He feels and knows what you are going through. Trials are sent our way to strengthen and prepare, because God has a plan and a purpose for all of our lives.



Be Blessed.



Alana Alston.

The Long Run.

Lots has been happening. And blogging, I have had no time for at all. But I will get back on it. I love to write, I think its a new found hobby of mine.

Well all is good, I am constantly growing and discovering new things about myself. It's been a crazy month, and I have loved it.

-More to come, just no time.