Hard work, pays off.

So I've been working really hard for the past two months trying to get this outfit made. I finally finished it friday [april 17,2009], and it was the best feeling in the world!

Looking at it realizing that I made it was the coolest thing. Honestly, I tend to doubt my ability to do accomplish things, so when I do its like this major deal.
I really love Fashion Design and my heart is completely there, like love tattooed on my heart, its my true passion.



What I'd do without it, um who knows?!




Well, I can thank my God for helping me pull through with this, because I really did want to give up and say this is too much, but I followed through and worked super hard to get the job done.

A New Day.

Yes, with a new day brings joy! I felt so good these past two days, it was insane. Life seemed perfect, and everything, regardless of if it were going well or not, seemed amazing to me. I can't even being to express how thankful I am to have my right mind, going through certain things makes you realize how much you appreciate what you have.

I'll write more later. But I just had to start my day off with something positive.

No Pain, No Gain.

If anyone has ever been hurting, they'd know exactly how I'm feeling. Life is tough, and that old saying "no one said it'd be easy", well that's true. Sometimes I really hate that rough time, because bad times and circumstances, just seem as if they are never ending. Right now, my heart hurts and my mind is completely confused. I feel like I'm doing this outer body looking into an inner body thing.

Sometimes, it feels like I have no one to run to. And feeling alone in this world, is nothing worth bragging about. I know and I've realized that I will be nothing and can't being anything without God. His love is all that I have...to lean on, believe in, and trust. I don't know what else to do lately but cry..and it's not getting me anywhere.

I've always been the kind of person where I hide my feelings, and I hold back on things that I should have said but didn't, thinking that, we'll, maybe this we'll get me somewhere, maybe if I don't say a word, I don't have to worry about anything. In reality, that's not true, because a voice not heard, is like having no voice at all.

It hurts so much when I feel like I can't even go to my own mother and confide in her, trusting that because she is my mother maybe she'll care, maybe she'll hug me in her arms and tell me to hold on.
It hurts, when you start to lose all sight of who you are as person. Feeling empty and worthless, constantly feeling not good enough.

Life is not easy, my friend, please know, and there will be trials and tribulations, but do trust and believe me when I say, turn to God whether it be good or bad, He cannot and will not ever fail, He's there and He hears, and knows exactly what you need and your pain.
Life would be nothing without pain, where would your strength come from, your faith, your character?

I'm struggling with this, but I'll make it through, for God is by my side and he is constantly guiding and strengthening me.

Best of Me.

WOW !
Talk about the weirdest week, ever !
Ive been through hell and back this week. Then this monring God woke me up and off to church I went, only to get there and feel the best relief ever. I can't even sit and descirbe the pain I've felt this week. I have cried so much, I mean its ridiculous. This pain isnt physical, its mental, and it was killing me.
Friends would ask, lana whats wrong...and all I could say was nothing.
I feel so much better, and honestly God's love is the reason. He continues to be there for me, I may slip off sometimes and forget all that He has promised me and what He said He'd do for me.
I put my foot down today, and Declared that last night would be the last night that I ever cried about the circumstance I am in.
God is so good, and we all have to remember that with Him we cannot fail, failure is not connected with God, He wants us to win, to be happy and have peace.
I love Him, and when I say that I mean it.

I was letting the enemy laugh at me, get the best of me. He took my joy, my happiness, my motivation.
Everything!
I was letting everything get to me, when all I had to do was Look Up To My God and see His hand out stretched towards me, saying Take my hand, and be blessed Alana.

Just knowing that He loves me, in spite of my faults makes me feel so Good.
I l ove Him.
And with Him, My World is Great, Life is beautiful, and Love conquerors all!

-lana.

Declaration.

There have been times in my life Im tired and I wanna give up I've been wondering why Why is the world getting so crazy? Still, somehoe I believe I've come too far to die now I'll always survive.Gonna cry now, go ahead and get it out of my system I know I hurt now, but soon I gotta get back to livin' Can't be here next year, givin' you these same tears I hope you enjoyed it, 'cause it's the last time you will take a piece of me I start right now, I don't know how I'm gonna get through it I know right now, I pray somehow 'cause I can't do it I can't keep livin' like this, there's gotta be more than this Jesus, I'm ready, I'm ready for what you have for me. God's people its time to stand up and fight-You cant mess with my mind anymore-Im smarter, see Ive been here before-Its time today, Im not afraid anymoreI look back now, I look at how you tried to break me To take my life, my peace of mind and drive me crazy My self esteem, my dreams, my destiny So, God allowed it, because He knew He had big plans for me Hallelujah! It's your grace, I know today it's how I made it Thank You, Jesus When I thought that it was over Lord, have mercyAre you gonna wait for a sign?-Are you ready for your miracle?You think that maybe it's overYou're life aint overNot unless you want it to be.I speak against everything that comes To destroy the purpose in your lifeYou've been waitin' and debating, here it is, ya'll All your stuff from your past, shake it off ya'll Though they said you wouldn't last, but who is ya'll? Want your dreams back? Let's get it! Your peace of mind back? Let's get it! Want your family back? Let's get it! Are you ready? Let's get it!


I heard this song this morning, and God knows I got too excited.It relates so much to what I am going through right now.

Ive been through alot, sooo much! And throughout all of this mees, Gods been there, Ive never forgotten that. Im taking a stand, because I know there's more to life. I want everything back, that the enemy has ever taken from me. I may not be where I want to be, but I thank God anyways for where I am. Ahhhh, no more no more no moreeeee shutting the door on all the negativity, and moving on with life! God is good, and all the time !


-God loves us, and he allows for us to struggle and go through heartache and pain, because he loves us. He wants us to know that He already made us capable of dealing with anything. He made us strong, and wonderful, and fearful. He loves us, and thats something we always have to keep in mind.

If you havent heard this song before, I suggest that you download it right now.its the Declaration by Kirk Franklin, if this doesnt motivate you, I don't know what will. I feel like I was supposed to hear this song this morning.

[love], Alana.

sundays are bomb, lets make this a movement.!!!!!

what a mess!

Today has been so weird.

First off my insecurities have been eating at me all day. And secondly because today was just an off day.

Insecurities are the one thing that bugs the crap out of me, and when I say that I mean it. It's like every negative thing I can think about myself pops in my head, and for the moment just won't go away. I hate it, and I wish that I could just snap my fingers and all of them just go away.

My insecurities are past circumstances, physical appearance, fears, and the list goes on.
I'm writing about this, because maybe, just maybe I can help someone else to over come their insecurities while I'm battling with mine. It's a disease, I mean it has to be. I can look in the mirror and say ok well I look cute today, but I don't necessarily feel that I am.

Is there something not getting to my brain, that's in everyone Else's with self confidence?
I know people look at me and think I'm crazy when I say I'm ugly, and yes I feel that no Man, and I mean no Man could ever like me, I just don't see how.
People say so many sweet things about me, and tell me how pretty I look and that I'm beautiful, and it just goes in one ear and out the other.

I HATE THIS!

I don't want for others to have to say something to me positive, for me to feel good about myself. That's just not healthy.
The only thing I can think to do, is to go to God on this. I mean no one else can help me. And with Him all things are possible, so I know I can defeat my insecurities and move on with my life.

I'M WRITING THIS NOW, LETTING ANYONE WHO IS BATTLING WITH INSECURITIES KNOW: It's time to take a stand and LET THEM OFFICIALLY GO.

I can't sit and preach on how to do this, because I'm trying as well, but with God and prayer, and some patience all things will work out.

Lesson Learned today: screw insecurities! They are no GOOD, and we really don't GAIN ANYTHING FROM THEM, but self doubt and pain.
Life's moving on, whether we are with it or without it. Encourage yourself daily and believe that things do and can GET BETTER.

[love], Alana.

Prove a Point.

A New Day !

So glad, so glad.

This morning didn't really start off that well, my sister and step dad are always arguing about some mess. And when I say mess I mean like stupid stuff. She gets angry for no reason, he's spazzing out and trying to calm her down at the same time. Stuff is ridiculous if you ask Me.

Well anyways, I get to school today, and see this girl. No names or anything, but I kind of felt jealous for a minute. I started thinking to myself," well dang what is it that she has that I don't".

Maybe its the fact that she's skinny and I'm not or her skin is lighter than mine. Who knows.I don't want to live life as if I'm constantly going to have prove something to someone or a group or people, maybe even the world! Prove that just because I'm bigger than most, that doesn't mean I'm less beautiful or that I'm less of a person.

My whole life I've felt like that. People have always said to me "you're so pretty", "you're such a diva", and tons of other things. I don't ever really pay attention to it because I don't necessarily feel that way about myself.

Low self esteem...um trying to break out of it.Having weight issues sucks, because until I do something about it I'm always going to feel this way.


Well the whole point of this blog is that, in order to truly love yourself for who you are and the way that God made you is to not worry about others, meaning comparing yourself to them.Inner beauty is the one that will constantly shine, no matter how you look on the outside, and honestly some people don't have that.

They could be completely gorgeous and have the worst personality in the world.


I may not be the girl with the nicest body and the prettiest skin, but I was put on this earth for a purpose and obviously some great reason!I don't have to prove anything to anyone.

[love], Alana.