Saturday, October 31, 2009

Back down...from WHAT?

Things have been a lot better lately! Lots of laughter and smiles, it nice to do that!

Now another challenge has come up...that I have to FACE. Being put through so much, changes you...and sometime it can be for the worst. Right now I really don't like the person I am becoming.
I feel like I have lost a lot, and with that I become very defensive (within my mind). I feel really jealous and angry and confused. Don't get me wrong...I am a very good person, I live to love and that's my favorite thing to do. But right now, its hard to do that...when I hate so many things about myself.
I look in the mirror and literally put myself down...constantly. Thoughts running through my mind: I don't deserve this...I'll never be that...and I cant do this. There are so many insecurities and self doubt that have come from out the blue.
The next step for me, is to take on this challenge of changing what it is I don't like about myself. With that, I truly do believe that the next chapter of my life, can and WILL BE opened.

But I do understand that, without loving myself, I cannot give love to anyone else.
A road I must travel, because I have to overcome this.
I know God created a beautiful person. But knowing and believing: are 2 different things.

Be blessed.

-Alana Alston.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


Today has been amazing! I attended church, as I do almost every Sunday. But today...was different! I felt God more than ever on this day.

I have been going through so much, lately and doubting within my mind that God wasn't real. But today, there's no doubt at all that God is real! Being in His presence is an honor. He doesn't have to allow for me to feel Him or witness exactly what it is that He can do, but He did! It was the most amazing thing. It was like an out-of-the body type of experience and really all you can say is "Thank You God, Glory be to Your Name!" Truly Wonderful.

My knees trembled, tears were rolling down my face, and I felt surrounded completely by something Powerful and Wonderful!

I'm glad that God continues to love me even though I have flaws and I continue to screw up. It feels great to know that He is there, and that is Real and that everything He says He will do, He will! My heart and soul feels lifted and I constantly feel the desire to smile and shake off every awful thought and all that has been hurting me. God loves me, He loves You, and if you don't believe it...Just Try Him!

God, I Thank You!

Be Blessed.

Alana Alston.