Saturday, October 31, 2009

Back down...from WHAT?

Things have been a lot better lately! Lots of laughter and smiles, it nice to do that!

Now another challenge has come up...that I have to FACE. Being put through so much, changes you...and sometime it can be for the worst. Right now I really don't like the person I am becoming.
I feel like I have lost a lot, and with that I become very defensive (within my mind). I feel really jealous and angry and confused. Don't get me wrong...I am a very good person, I live to love and that's my favorite thing to do. But right now, its hard to do that...when I hate so many things about myself.
I look in the mirror and literally put myself down...constantly. Thoughts running through my mind: I don't deserve this...I'll never be that...and I cant do this. There are so many insecurities and self doubt that have come from out the blue.
The next step for me, is to take on this challenge of changing what it is I don't like about myself. With that, I truly do believe that the next chapter of my life, can and WILL BE opened.

But I do understand that, without loving myself, I cannot give love to anyone else.
A road I must travel, because I have to overcome this.
I know God created a beautiful person. But knowing and believing: are 2 different things.

Be blessed.

-Alana Alston.

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